What is the Mental Load?
Picture this: You are sitting at your desk at the end of a long day, totally knackered and ready to shut down for the day. Despite how tired you are, your mind kicks into high gear, taking inventory of all the chores you need to juggle in Part 2 of your day:
Pick up kids after school
Finish that load of laundry your partner started three days ago
Make dinner
Wait there’s nothing in the fridge! Grocery shop first, then make dinner
Call your partner to get him on board with the plan
Your partner is coming down with a cold, so you add a trip to the pharmacy to your frenzied grocery-shop
The list of to-dos just keeps growing; each task reproduces new tasks that fill every free moment of your time. The tasks themselves are highly do-able, even banal - but they never. stop. coming.
This is the mental load.
Whether you're a working professional, a parent, a caregiver, or juggling all these potentially potentially conflicting roles, managing your mental burden is essential for overall balance and well-being. Isn't it curious how we are constantly reminded to go to the gym to keep our body fit and toned, but there's little emphasis on preserving our mental well-being? Thus, in this article, we'll explore the concept of mental load, and its connection to invisible and emotional labor, highlight examples of its presence in everyday life, and provide practical tips to help you lighten your load.
What is Mental Load?
At its core, "mental load" is the daily struggle of carrying the world's weight on your shoulders - while making it look effortless. And that's precisely what mental load is; a heavy, invisible toll that encompasses the never-ending list of responsibilities, tasks, and decisions that live in our minds, rent-free.
We tend to think of ourselves as machines, constantly loaded with inputs and tasks. But here's the thing, mental load is more than just executing those tasks; it's all about the mental energy we spend coordinating and orchestrating every aspect of our existence, from handling cognitive tasks to managing household responsibilities, organizing schedules, keeping track of important dates and events, and making countless decisions throughout the day. It's a constant stream of thoughts dancing in our minds.
Emotional Work, Mental Load, and Invisible Labor
To grasp the full extent of the mental load, we must consider its relationship with emotional work and invisible labor. Sociologist Arlie Hochschild coined the term "emotional work" to describe a person's efforts to manage their emotions and those of others. Emotional work often involves suppressing negative emotions, expressing empathy and understanding, and maintaining a positive atmosphere in personal and professional relationships. Alternatively, invisible labor refers to the unseen and undervalued work that contributes to the functioning of society.
The mental load encompasses emotional tasks like gauging, tracking, and anticipating the needs to ensure the well-being of your loved ones. This is crucial to keeping a healthy social and personal life.
With such a complex blend of responsibilities, it's no wonder the mental load can be overwhelming and utterly exhausting.
Imagine feeling like you're constantly responsible for everything, carrying the world's weight on your shoulders. Women, caregivers, and service workers often carry a heavy load of emotional work and invisible labor, which adds to their mental load. Unevenly assigned gender roles have perpetuated this imbalance. For those in caregiving roles, the mental load takes on a whole new level of intensity. They not only care for themselves but also shoulder the physical and emotional needs of others.
The Perils of Mental Load
There are significant risks to carrying the mental load, both for the (over)loaded and loved ones. Carrying this burden can strain your physical and mental health, create conflict in relationships, hold you back from pursuing activities that you enjoy, and lower the overall quality of your life.
The mental load can be the root cause of stress and burnout, resulting in a constant sense of overwhelm and anxiety, as you feel there's never enough time or mental energy to meet other people’s demands.
Carrying a mental load in relationships can lead to serious imbalances in our social and private life. Many who cary the mental load find it challenging to take full emotional accountability for the overwhelming feelings of frustration, anger and betrayal that arise from constantly caring for others. After all, these emotions are fully justified!
However, no single person is responsible for them (e.g. your partner never asked you to pick up their clothes, but you do it anyway). Without zooming out to consider the social factors perpetuating the mental load, it can seem like there’s no way to escape this burden. Taking steps to mitigate these risks and alleviate the mental load will protect our overall well-being and foster healthier relationships.
You Might Also Like: How to Define Non-Negotiables In A Relationship
Examples of Mental Load in Everyday Life
There are several ways in which mental load manifests itself, affecting not just women but anyone taking care of others. So let's try to paint a vivid picture of mental load in action. Here are some relatable examples that will probably make you nod your head in recognition:
Managing household duties: Planning and executing tasks such as cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping, and laundry.
Organizing schedules: Coordinating appointments, school activities, and social or family gatherings.
Remembering details: Keeping track of birthdays, anniversaries, deadlines, and important events.
Emotional labor: Providing emotional support to family members, friends, and colleagues, often sacrificing your own emotional well-being.
Childcare responsibilities: Arranging childcare, scheduling appointments, coordinating school activities, and ensuring the well-being of children.
Caregiving duties: Taking care of kids, parents or relatives, managing their healthcare needs, and providing emotional support.
Financial management: Budgeting, bill payments, and long-term financial planning for the family.
Job-related decisions: Balancing work responsibilities, career advancement, and personal growth.
What You Can Do To Let Go of the Mental Load
So what can you do to lighten your mental load? Since we’re talking about the burden that comes with being busy, perhaps the better question is what should you STOP doing to lighten your load?
We created a resource to help you get started ⬇️ The Lighten the Load© Audit is designed to give you an overview of all of your responsibilities at home, including who does what, and how you feel about it.
Just a gentle reminder: remember that letting go of the mental burden is an ongoing process that requires self-awareness, boundary-setting, and a willingness to seek support. By taking proactive steps to manage your mental load, you can find greater balance, reduce stress, and reclaim your mental well-being:
Learn to Delegate: You don't have to do it all alone. Creating a system to delegate responsibilities to others will shift the load to your team - and off your shoulders alone.
Prioritize with Intention: Take a step back and identify what truly matters. Prioritize tasks based on their importance and urgency, freeing yourself from the constant pressure of trying to do it all at once.
Get Better at Saying ‘No’: Embrace the power of saying no. Recognize your limits and create NOT to-do lists of those things that add unnecessary weight to your mental load.
Set Boundaries Around Wellbeing: Setting clear boundaries to protect your wellbeing will help you maintain long-term balance and keep your mental load at bay. It takes time to figure out what types of boundaries work best for you, so do some research, experiment, and learn as you go!
Embrace Self-Care: Carve out time for yourself, indulging in activities that recharge your mind and body. Try meditation and breathing exercises, as they can be a great way to learn more about and control yourself in stressful moments. Remember, self-care is not selfish; it's essential for maintaining a healthy mental state.
Reach out for a helping hand: Don't be afraid to seek support from friends, family, or professionals. Sometimes, a listening ear or a helping hand can make a huge difference in lightening your mental load, so you won't feel alone in the struggle.