How to Simplify Your Life with a (Not) To-Do List
Take a deep breath, grab a glass of water and then tell me if this sounds familiar:
You wake up in the morning and immediately check your phone. You check texts and calls, then emails. If youâre lucky not to have an urgent message waiting that pulls you into a communication spiral, you start your day by adding things to your to-do list - starting with everything that you didnât get to yesterday (or last week). If you do get roped into responding to emails and messages, you may not get to your to-do list until midday, or maybe you neglect it entirely. It remains present in the back of your mind, haunting you when you finally have a moment of down time. What might have you forgotten?
This is the to-do spiral.
We desperately try to squeeze as many tasks as possible into our day and yet, somehow, we feel like we never really âfinish itâ. Even worse, we never seem to have time for ourselves.
Let me go on the record right now and say: being busy⊠sucks. Iâve been there. Trust me.
You might be stuck in a to-do spiral if:
You repeatedly cancel, reschedule or under-prioritize you-time
Setting a clear agenda makes you feel guilty, useless or âless thanâ
Deep down, you believe the being busy = a productive, fulfilling life
The truth is, we are totally obsessed with doing.
But how do we begin unlearning this doing-based approach that leads us away from true happiness? What does being productive by doing less look like?
While there are no quick fixes for a life you truly love to live, there are many practices that can help get you on track. A ânot to-do list" is a great place to start if youâre just not sure where to start or are reluctant to add more to your busy day.
Read on to get a deeper insight into the topic!
What Is A Not To Do List?
We all know and love that rewarding feeling that comes with completing a task. It can be slightly addictive! The thing is, that boost doesnât directly relate to what it is weâre checking off the list. When we check a task on our to-do list, it typically feels like an accomplishment even when it comes to a small, irrelevant activity - or even one that isnât aligned with our long-term goals.
To-do lists can absolutely improve our organization. We do love them and have an amazing to-do list feature in the Simplish app! But itâs surprisingly easy to include low value tasks in to-do lists that keep you busy without fulfilling any greater purpose.
If youâre someone who frequently finds yourself saying yes to commitments and regretting them later, please meet the not-to-do list.
Itâs exactly what it sounds like: a list of carefully-considered tasks, behaviors and pitfalls you aim to avoid.
The not-to-do list is all about identifying the tasks that drain our energy and time in order to make room for the things that really bring us joy. Itâs a brilliant and quick time management hack that will help you achieve some well-deserved peace of mind.
Why You Need A Not-To-Do List
When you really think about it, we work âto-doâ lists into every aspect of our life.
We make lists to buy groceries, track home improvement projects, organize working life, and even complete a list of things to do before we die. The goal of listing is to exhaust all of the possibilities that could bring us fulfillment - but the trouble is that these endless lists can obscure what few things are truly important to us.
Obsessive to-doing contributes to stress and burnout. We fill our lives with tasks, we over-commit, and we tend to develop habits like:
Compulsively checking apps and social accounts at all hours of the day
Responding quickly to every repliable e-mail that comes your way
Doing the first thing in front of you rather than the most important thing
Constantly multitasking and falling behind on key projects
Staying âonâ all of the time
Trying (and failing) to please everyone
Practicing The Magic Word: No
The problem that to-do lists presents sometimes has little to do with the list itself. You may be one of the many, many people who overload your schedule because you struggle with saying "no". While saying âyesâ can feel like a win at first (just like ticking something off of your to-do list!), habitual over-commitment will inevitably place you in an extremely poor negotiating position. You may forget that youâve double-booked appointments, struggle with the guilt of canceling plans you yourself have made, and burn your candle at both ends just to make it through the brutal schedule youâve set, all the while wondering why you said âyesâ in the first place.
We cannot please everyone any more than we can offset the importance of setting priorities by just doing everything (it doesnât work).
A "not-to do" list will be helpful for anyone seeking to establish healthier boundaries. Firmly declining gives us the chance to fundamentally change not only our lives but also our relationship with others and with ourselves.
Say hello to to saying ânoâ and feel better about what you do accomplish.
How To Simplify Your Life with a (Not) To-Do List
So where to start? Whatâs the concrete process of making a not-to-do list? My advice is to start small: begin by identifying any habits in your daily routine that arenât serving you, like cutting down your time on social media, and then move on to things that may take longer to change, like changing jobs. Let's break it down:
Reflect on what you want to be doing.
The first step is to be more conscious about your ultimate goals.
What do you want to be doing in 3 months?
What do you want to be doing in 6 months?
What do you want to be doing in 1 year?
What do you want to be doing in 5 years?
Reflect on what you want to do in each period of time - the more specific, the better. This isnât about figuring every detail out, but rather reminding yourself about where youâd like to be. This allows you to identify time and energy-consuming activities youâre doing now that arenât moving you toward those goals.
2. List how youâre actually spending time on a weekly basis.
Take a reality-check. You canât stop doing something if you donât know youâre doing it! Copy the tasks you've added to your most recent to-do lists into a new âtime trackingâ list, and tally up how many hours youâre spending on each on at the end of every day for a week. Turn on screen time to track your total time in virtual space to get an idea of your total time online. Track the time spent doing anything daily for more than an hour (even the essential things like cooking), to get an overview of what youâre actually doing in any given day.
3. Make your not-to-do list!
Identify the tasks that are draining on a daily basis and arenât moving you toward what you want to be doing. If you're still unsure what to add to your list, vet your list by asking yourself some simple questions about the task:
Will my daily life keep rolling as usual if I donât do this?
Does doing this task always drag me down?
If you answer âyesâ to any of these questions, put the task on your not-to-do list and see what happens. Draft a complete list of things you plan not-to-do, and check off the items every day that you donât do them. Success!
Inspiration For Your Not-To-Do List
If youâre not sure where to start, check out this sample list of not-to-dos for inspiration:
Don't spend too much time on social media (try to set a screen-use limit on your phone)
Donât gossip about other people
Don't snooze the alarm when you wake up your phone as a first or last thing in the morning
Avoid processed foods
Stop spending time on things that don't need to be done right here, right now
Don't check your email on your days off
Don't waste time Googling random thoughts that pop into your head while working
Don't answer un-recognized phone numbers
Don't spend time with energy-draining individuals
Don't try to reply to every message/call while having your "me time"
Translate Your Not-To-Do List Back Into A To-Do List
Iâll admit it: listing a bunch of things not to do isnât quite as exciting as listing things to-do. Focusing on negative statements can shift you into a judgemental mindset. Plus, itâs more difficult to achieve goals or change habits when we focus on the bad, rather than the good.
That being said, the steps listed above are still incredible useful for finding inner direction. If you want to take it one step further and apply positive psychology to your process, simply translate your not-to-do list back into a to-do list, and youâll find the result is more mindful, meaningful, and probably a lot shorter than the list you started with! Hereâs an example using the list above:
Aim for 7 hours or less of daily screen time
Share positive words about others instead of hurtful ones
Invest in a morning routine that helps you wake up with more energy
Start and end your day with 2 hours of phone-free time to regulate your nervous system
Eat whole foods that make your body happy
Focus on tasks that need to be done right here, right now
Take real time off when you have time off - walk in the park, exercise, visit a new city, eat with friends, try something new
Practice the 50 / 5 rule during the work day: take a 5 minute break for every 50 minutes of focused work
Answer recognized numbers and leave the rest for voicemail
Spend time with people who uplift you
Schedule âme timeâ that allows you live for yourself