Overcoming and Succeeding In Emotionally Charged Situations

emotionally charged

If you live or work with someone long enough, the chances of running into a difference of opinion are high. And sometimes this can lead to a pretty heated discussion that can quickly spiral out of control.

But if you want to make it in life, it’s important to get these emotionally charged situations under control before you lose your head. Research from the University of Ulster indicates that emotional intelligence is a key indicator of leadership success. Âč

But why, exactly? What makes emotional intelligence such a persuasive indicator of success?

In short, emotional intelligence, or the ability to overcome emotionally charged situations, boosts your leadership qualities in part because it helps you make better decisions - and largely because it makes you a more likable and trustworthy person. ÂČ

[define: emotional intelligence ]

So how do you reign these emotions in? And what do you do when a conversation begins to spiral?

Let’s take a look.

What Does Emotionally Charged Mean Exactly?

 
what does emotionally charged mean
 

When something is emotionally charged, it means that someone is experiencing strong, raw, and uninhibited emotions that can be difficult to control. Whether a meltdown during rush hour traffic or a disagreement with a lover, emotionally charged responses look a lot like a temper tantrum thrown by a very vocal toddler. In most cases, this uncontrollable release or explosion of emotion follows some sort of trigger. 

The trigger acts as a proverbial tug on an emotional plug, releasing long pent up frustration and hurt.

In a horribly cruel and ironic way, this kind of emotionally charged response can serve as a trigger for someone else, leading the two involved down a dark spiral of unchecked emotions and angry words.

And when that happens, it works like a positive feedback loop, where one triggered response perpetuates another


...and so on until someone has the insight to walk away.

Needless to say, emotionally charged situations can be exhausting at best and damaging at worst. So what should you do if you find yourself in an emotionally charged situation?

Let’s find out.

How Do You Succeed In Emotionally Charged Situations?

 
how to succeed in an emotionally charged situation
 

Finding yourself in an emotionally charged conversation or interaction with another person can leave both parties in a very precarious position. The smallest lack of judgment from either side could result in someone seriously losing it. So it’s helpful to keep your emotions in check as much as possible.

But this can be really hard to do.

To help stem the flow of uprising emotions, here are a few ways that can help you stay calm.

1. Pause to Take Some Deep Breaths

 
deep breathing
 

If your feathers have been ruffled and you can feel things going in a direction you’d rather avoid, then try taking a few slow deep breaths. 

Deep breathing not only gives you a minute to collect your thoughts, but it also resets your vagus nerve, which can have a relaxing effect on your body. ³ The vagus nerve connects your brain to all of your internal organs and serves as a counterpoint to the fight-or-flight stress response, which is exactly what we find ourselves in during an emotionally charged situation. ⁎

By taking a few deep breaths, you are stimulating the vagus nerve and thereby telling your body to chill the *&^# out.

By doing so, you are giving your whole body and mind a chance to reflect on why this person before you has evoked such an emotional response from you. 

2. Step Back And Question Yourself

 
self-reflection
 

Unless you’re acting in self-defense, it’s a good idea not to react when you are feeling really emotionally heightened. Rather, try asking yourself these questions:

  • Is this a situation that I can control?

  • Am I misreading someone’s intentions?

  • Is it really that important to prove my point or have my opinion heard?

  • Will I worsen the situation if I inject my thoughts into this interaction?

  • How do I come across when I’m angry? Is it healthy to show that side of myself right now?

  • Is my body language threatening?

  • Am I raising my voice?

Thoughtful and introspective self-questioning can help to intellectualize the emotions you are experiencing. Normally, a touch of logic is all you need to see that your own actions may well be adding fuel to the emotional fire.

3. Decide That You Want To Demonstrate Calmness

 
calmness
 

You certainly cannot control how someone else is behaving - but you can definitely control how you are. Therefore, deciding that you are going to show the other person that you are calm will help in settling their emotional state also.

Even if it doesn’t, it will allow you to act with awareness and intention rather than react with emotion.

Think about how you’d like that person to act and demonstrate that yourself. This helps diffuse conflicts rather than inflame them.

4. Express Compassion And Empathy

 
emotional understanding
 

As hard as it may be, showing someone that you are empathetic to their opinion or compassionate to how they are feeling can really help to deflate an emotionally charged situation.

Begin by paraphrasing what the other person said to make sure that you’re understanding their points clearly. Then express compassion for their experience to let them know that they are seen and respected, which is often the ultimate goal behind any emotional meltdown.

One of the most well-studied ways to do this is by using “I” statements. ⁔ The idea is to begin your statements with “I” or “From my perspective,” so that you can make it clear to the other person that you’re simply sharing your perspective. It also helps communicate that you’re not making a judgment about the other person, but simply experiencing the situation differently than they are. Using “I” statements supports calm, assertive communication of your perspective while affirming that it’s not the single truth.

5. Reflect On Your Experience

 
thought-provoking
 

As much as we would rather avoid an emotionally charged interaction with another person, it is sometimes inevitable and the best way to deal with the aftermath is to reflect and learn from this experience.

A good way to do this is to write down your emotions in a journal or diary. 

This will have a calming effect and allow you to better process how you are feeling. Journalling also allows you to let go of any hurt that may reside from this unfortunate interaction with the other person.

Conclusion

Healthy communication is the lifeblood of any and every good relationship.

Making your way through emotionally charged communication is an opportunity to prove to yourself and others that you are not a victim to your emotions, and that you are able to talk your way through anything with consideration and understanding.

This will not only help you perform better professionally, but it will also assist in building authentic relationships with your friends and loved ones.


MindsetLudovica Picardiemotional wellbeing, mental health, listening, winning at life, stress, communication, ludovica picardi