How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others in 7 Powerful Steps
When you want something different for yourself, it’s easy to start with comparisons 👀
We want all kinds of things - especially the things that other people have, and we don’t. The last time you wished things were different, maybe you wanted:
More money
A better job
Better clothes
A beach body
A burrito
The list goes on (and on and on), if you let it.
Well, stop it! Just stop. Right now.
Get out of that comparison trap, where your thoughts take you on a tour of negative feelings and a low-key jealous rage.
It's bad for your mental health, and even worse for your interpersonal relationships.
Stop focusing on others and ways that you can be more like them, because you're not them. And while this doesn't mean that you don't need to improve yourself in whatever ways you desire, it does mean that you can't possibly need the same exact things as your peers to do so. So stop comparing yourself to others. Here are a few things to keep in mind to help you do just that.
1. Notice When You Are Comparing Yourself To Others
Before you begin, try noticing when you start to compare yourself to others.
➡️ When does it happen?
➡️ To whom are you comparing yourself?
➡️ In what ways are you making comparisons?
Maybe you are comparing your abilities to others at work, or your exercise routine to those you see on Instagram. Maybe you're comparing your strengths and weaknesses to those of your friends, over and over again. Whatever the case may be, spend time getting to know the ways in which you compare yourself to others. By better understanding when you fall into the comparison trap, the easier it is to get out of it.
2. Take The Steps To Be The Person You Want To Be
Once you acknowledge that you're comparing yourself to others, ask yourself what the underlying goal is behind the comparison. If you are jealous of your co-worker because she accomplishes so much in a single work day, consider what it is about her that you admire so much.
And then see how you can foster that in yourself.
Rather than killing yourself to submit just as many reports, attend just as many meetings, and dress just as impeccably as she does, think about the ways that you can be a better as yourself.
After all, you are not her.
You don't know what drives her actions or style choices. What you do know is who you are and the kind of person that you want to be. You know your own abilities, strengths, weaknesses, and personal career goals.
Focus on these things and kick ass without wasting time comparing yourself to others.
3. Accept Where You Are Right Now (And Where You've Been)
Think about your entire life for one second (or maybe more). Think about all of the things that you've been through over the years.
All of the heartache, the accomplishments, and the change that you've been through.
How beautifully complex and unique is it all?
And now think about the fact that every single person on this planet has an equally complex, beautiful, and unique story as yours.
There is no reason to feel bad about it. It's just the way that it is. And it's exactly why comparing yourself to others is absolute nonsense!
Instead of getting lost in a sea of comparisons, learn to embrace what you actually have. Appreciate it and be grateful for the fact that you've arrived to where you are at all.
4. Do A Social Media Detox
The easiest way to stop the comparison train is to get off of it. Yes, I’m talking about a social media detox.
Social media is where people showcase their best selves, their greatest accomplishments, and their best moments of happiness. But it's also where jealousy and envy are bred, where mental health is deteriorated, and where a feeling of lack is born.
Do yourself a favor and step away from social media for a little bit, whether it's just for a day or for an entire month. Give yourself some space to experience your daily life and to embrace where you're at right now. In fact, make it a habit. Trust me, you'll feel better for it.
5. Live In The Moment More
When you live in the moment, comparisons fall to the wayside. You start to focus on the present moment, becoming grateful for every beautiful moment that comes your way.
Pay attention to the way the sun shines on the plants outside in the morning light. Expand your awareness into the warmth that your day’s first cup of coffee brings your soul. Notice how friendly the cashier is being or how considerate your colleague was for printing a copy of the meeting notes for you.
Live in the moment and notice how good life already is.
6. Remember That Happiness Is A Choice
I know that people say this a lot and that maybe it's a bit frustrating to hear, but it's true. You can choose to spiral into a pit of negative emotions, or you can choose to be happy.
Start keeping a gratitude journal, where you can make a list of everything that you are grateful for in your life. By making this a daily habit, your thoughts will naturally become lighter and happier, making happiness a part of your daily experience. And when you are happy, you don't have time to worry about how others are living.
7. Look To Other People For Inspiration
It’s totally natural to look to other people at some point to see how they’re doing things. But don't let yourself feel inferior when you do. Instead, use it as motivation to reach your own goals. Look at what others have accomplished and the steps they took to get there. Let yourself have a ‘wow’ moment and appreciate this amazing human! Then think about how you might be able to accomplish the same. Make attainable goals for yourself and get to work. Don't compare yourself to them because you don't know their story and they certainly don't know yours. Instead, use their achievements as motivation to reach your own.