Don't Give In to Habitual Complaining: There's a Better Way
Most of us really have much to complain about.
I mean, I’m sure some of us do, but what is complaining about it going to fix? It’ll only make you feel worse.
Most people have a steady job, a roof over their heads, money to provide for themselves and their families, and enough cash to spare on overseas vacations. Life’s pretty damn good when you think about it. In fact, for most of us, our living standards are better today than they’ve ever been.
So, what’s with this doom-and-gloom obsession with complaining?
There could be a few different reasons.
Maybe, we have it too good and are subconsciously on the hunt for adversity, maybe, we merely lack meaning in our lives, maybe, complaining is habitual, an entrenched pattern in our psyche, or maybe, we are taught to behave like this as children by observing the behavior of the adults we looked up to.
Whatever the reason may be, the bottom line is that complaining about everything all of the time is both annoying and unhealthy.
So, how do we rid ourselves of our habitual complaining and lighten our outlook on life? That’s what we’ll explore in this article.
The Act Of Complaining, Does It Make Us Feel Better Or Worse?
It’s never good to bottle-up our emotions or feelings. However, when expressing ourselves through a series of habitual complaints there’s evidently a problem. It’s a problem because habitual complaining is not a conscious decision. A verbal stream of negativity that escapes us before we really have the time to reflect on what it is that is truly bothering us.
The first step to reigning in the stream of negative thoughts and verbal complaints is to identify what it truly is that has us unsettled. Simmering somewhere under the surface there is normally something deeper that is the true cause of our anguish. Complaining is a coping strategy used to distraction and draw our attention away from something that is much harder to face.
5 Practices to Help You Overcome Habitual Complaining and Find That Silver Lining
It’s not all bad though. With a little inner-engineering you’ll be complaint free in no time. Try implementing these 5 tools to help achieve this.
1. Respond Rather Than React
A reaction is based on a trigger that doesn’t take into consideration long term impacts of what is being said or played out, whereas a response is based upon the information from the conscious mind.
A response takes into account the well-being of you and others around you. Responding to a trigger involves weighing up the long term effects and is filtered through your core values.
For example, say you knock a freshly brewed barista coffee off your desk and onto the office floor. A reaction in this situation may involve getting triggered and immediately angry and frustrated. You now have to clean up the mess and don’t have time in your lunch break to fetch another coffee.
No doubt that sucks.
But, is it really worth getting all upset about?
Expressing yourself in a way that on reflection makes you feel worse than you would otherwise?
Probably not.
A response to this situation may involve accepting the situation for what it is. Taking a deep breath, laughing at yourself, and not taking yourself so seriously. Clean it up and go grab yourself an instant coffee from the tea room. No biggy!
Who knows, the people around you may have noticed your response and respect you for it. Little actions like this prove you’re a person people like to have around.
2. Reflect On What Is Actually Making You Feel This Way
In order to stop complaining all of the time, you’ll need to recognize the trigger driving you to this heightened state of emotions in the first place. Understanding your mental state is a process of uncovering layer upon layer of stress and frustration that you may not even have realized was there..
Reflection here is key. If you can take a moment to look inward and direct your attention to whatever it is that is truly bothering you, you may find that whatever it is you’re complaining about isn’t the problem.
If you can land your finger on the cause, awesome! Compartmentalize that and return to it when you have time. Addressing whatever that underlying trigger is will resolve most other frustrations and allow you to be present and respond not react.
If you can’t quite land on what’s truly bothering you, don’t stress, just realize that frustration is there and that’s ok too. Whatever is really bugging you will show itself soon enough, you can deal with it then.
3. Change Your Surroundings
Whenever possible, physically removing yourself from the space you’re struggling can break a negative cycle. Take yourself outside, maybe go for a walk and take time to clear your mind and reflect. Look at the sky, watch the birds fly past you, smile at the warmth of the sun on your skin.
Look at the big picture - or just another one.
A change of surroundings will allow space for a new perspective, a fresh take on a problem or scenario. You’ll soon realize life isn’t so bad and whatever it was that was bothering is not worth ruining your peace for.
4. Observe Who You Spend Time With
Misery loves company. Never were truer words spoken. If you surround yourself with people that share your negative inclinations, you’ll feed off each other, making it very tough to break the cycle. A group “bitch fest” may instantly make you feel a little better, but afterward, you’ll feel drained or ashamed about some of the things you’ve said.
If you catch yourself feeling in a worse mood around certain people, or their complaining puts you in a negative spiral than perhaps it’s time to evaluate how much time you want to spend with them.
5. Allow Your Mind To Be Flexible
Changing the way you think is no easy task. You’ve had years to formulate and pattern the way you think and it can be a very hard habit to break. But, it’s definitely not impossible, you just have to be willing to constantly observe your thoughts and your attitude then change accordingly.
We can be hard on ourselves and our inner voice is harsh at times. Remember you can’t control everything though.
Flexibility of the mind will allow you to be adaptable and let go of expectations. No expectations, nothing to complain about.
You really have to work at this. Carrying dark philosophies around with you everywhere you go can be a very heavy weight on your mind. It isn’t easy at first but if you stick to responding to situations in a light-hearted way your day-to-day mood will begin to change. Your entire outlook on life, yourself, and others around you will completely change.
Take these tools and use them as they apply. Remember complaining doesn’t fix anything. It only makes you feel worse. Change the way you view the world, things aren’t so bad.
In fact, if you really take a step back and view your life observably you’ll realize that life is pretty damn good!